Happy Halloween!

hello, happy Halloween. I am looking foward to it but at the same time I'm dreading it. all those sweets. so many calories. probably a lot of cavities. it's fucking scary honestly. 

but, today marks one year since my first time getting drunk? Is that weird that I know the day? idk I was with my friends last year and since it was Halloween it was a pretty memorable day. anyways. not the point. 

After this weekend of bingeing though, I'm going to start a liquid fast. probably November 2nd-8th if I can. I'll allow myself to stop on the 6th if I really just can't go anymore. for those of you who don't know what a liquid fast is, it's basically just where you drink things for a certain amount of time instead of eating or not eating at all. for me I'll let soups be okay, and I'm not gonna try to worry as much about the calories in drinks bc they're not as bad as food. but still I need to watch them.

I'll tell you how it goes, and if I drop any pounds. talk to you later! 

/////

yesterday's fast was great! today I've had like 3 cookies (ugh I know) and some pumpkin seeds, so a total of ~600 (gross) but I'm not planning on eating anymore, and I'm gonna drink a lot of water to burn more calories. thinking of fasting either tomorrow, but if that doesn't work out bc I have something after school that ill problem end up eating at, Thursday seems like a safe fasting day too. 

I didn't go to school today, I had a bad anxiety attack this morning. I couldn't even process the thought of getting dressed or going outside. anyway I have a writing class at 4:15 so I should probably start getting ready for that. more posts later maybe. 

xx

how long has it been?

too long. 

Hi, it's been like a year since I last posted here. oops. not like anyone missed me though. there have been some complications. I lost my iPod that this account is logged into, and I couldn't remember the password for this and nothing was working so I just left it for while. But, I've found my iPod now and I'm able to post here! yay! 

so you may be wondering how I'm doing (probably not) but yes, I'm still struggling with self harm and my weight. I'm not going to call it anorexia or an eating disorder because I've not been officially diagnosed yet. oh well. 

anyway. today's been the first successful fasting day! yes! I've had water, I'm currently drinking blueberry tea, no sugar. 

I guess personal updates not regarding my problems should be here too?? Since the last time I've posted (aug 2014) a lot of things have happened. I went to a lot of concerts, stared a new school and made new friends (score!) My music taste has also expanded widely, so I think I might do a post all about the artists I listen to (because they are many). Also, finally after 3ish years I am finally caught up with supernatural. season 11 ep 4 on weds. wonderful. 

Saturday. I want to talk about Saturday (10/24/15). I saw my best friend for the first time in months. We got really drunk and really high, it was amazing. I only remember parts of it but the parts that I do remeber are hilarious. 

I also got my nose pierced in the begining of July, so that's cool.

and I'm. I really don't know what else to say. yeah. I think I'll go. I hope your day was good. 

wow

Hello! It's been a while! I've stopped the lunabelle, because I lost count about 2 weeks in. 

I'm watching my calories still thought, but I mainly want to work on my thighs. I found this great workout and I'm hoping it will go well, considering school starts in 3 weeks. They aren't extremely huge so it should be kind of easy.

Today I plan on not eating much, I've had some watermelon and probably some more of that later. 

Talk to you later... I'll see how it goes.

Starting Lunabelle!

Hey guys!! So yesterday I officially started the Lunabele diet! Yay! 

So today is 500 cals. Should be easy. I'm actually quite excited. 

I think I should start posting more. 

I'm lame

I broke another clean streak. Again. Fml.

Although today has been ok. Didn't go to school, even thought tomorrow is the last  day. I signed up for a pro ana site too. And apparently I'm underweight. But I don't see it. All I see is grossness. 

Also I need an ana buddy (the main reason for the site) but if anyone one here needs one too comment! I need someone to keep me motivated.

I'm not okay (i promise)

Hello lovelies! 

So it's been awhile ahah!

I'm happy to report today's been a successful fasting day! Yay! Over the corse of the long weekend (Friday-Monday) I lost 2 pounds and I'm really proud of myself. 8 more lbs to go.

Basically on Sunday I ran up and down stairs for 20 mins and it easily shed 1 lbs. but, let me tell you, it wasn't easy. After two fucking minutes I was tired. But I took little breaks in between. 

On the bad side (here's the reason why the title is I'm not ok) I broke my 68 days clean. I just felt really down Saturday night, and I did 4 long cuts on my right thigh. I also cut a cross into my leg, for specific reasons. If you look at it from my view, it's a regular cross. But if I Stand up and someone looks at it that way, it's upside down which would be considered statanic. Basically what I'm trying to say is that everyone has a good and a bad side, depending on how you look at it :)