Ugh.

Therapy was... Interesting yesterday. On the bright side I haven't cut since Saturday, so 4 days clean!! But Ive gained so much weight and I feel horrible. I've been binging so much I just feel like shit. I'm too much of a coward to even try to purge no matter how much I want to do it. So next week I am for sure starting the Lunabelle. My stupid wing it thing can wait. I just want to look nice. Especially my thighs. I mean my waist is relatively ok but my thighs are disgusting.  I just feel so gross right now. 

You know sometimes I'm just like "you know what? Who gives a fuck about weight?! One more can't hurt!" But then there's ana right next to me saying, "you care you stupid bitch!"

It's just strange. 

 -mez