today I finished the last of my midterms, so glad those motherfuckers are over.
my weight has been fluctuating a lot lately and I've been slacking and I need to start restricting and fasting even more if I want to get to my ugw of 80. these last few weeks have been so rough and eating in general has been getting increasingly harder. I want to do another liquid fast bc I was able to get through it, just ending it was the hard part.
I'd also cut again on Sunday night, and it felt good after all that time. my mom made me so angry just like she always does. this time i cut on the inside and outside of my arm, and they go so much deeper on the outside and it feels better. also, since it'd been awhile, the other day (maybe Thursday) my mom set me off again and I felt the "I want to inflict pain upon myslef" urge, and I hadn't felt it in awhile. obviously I couldn't do it in that moment because it was still early and if I got out my blades my mom would probably catch me. by time it was later the feeling had surpassed so there was no point.
it's almost 5am and I'm tired, so I'll post again soon. bye.
