Yay!

I am happy to report, that today (well 4/29/14) has been the first successful fasting day in a while! I am so proud of myself. Lots of water & tea did it for me today. 

Tomorrow I will eat probably half of my sandwich for lunch (unless I get school lunch, then half of whatever that is) and if my mom forces dinner upon me tomorrow, I'll eat a small portion of that. 

Good news aside, bad news, I think my friends are Starting to notice I'm not eating as much. When we were walking home today, we stopped it Starbucks. I of course didn't have any money, like usual, (it's a good way to not be tempted buy food while your out) but so we go in, and we're online, and my friend (let's call her friend A, or FA.)  knows I don't have money and says "do you want anything?" I of course say no, and then she insists, "I know you want a cake pop!" I was like no I'm fine and she said, "come on what flavor do you like? Birthday cake?" I denied I wanted anything, and thankfully she didn't buy me anything against my will. But then while we were waiting for her and another one of my friends (friend B or FB lets call her) so friend b bought these chocolate covered gram crackers, and was like, "you want one?" And I told her I didn't like those ones, but I mean honestly who doesn't like chocolate gram crackers! It's like a s'mores minus the marshmallows! Then FB proceeded to poke my stomach and said, "you need to eat more, you're all bones." 

I wanted to die right there. 

Hi again

Two posts in one day, damn that's rare. 

But anyway, I wanted to show you the dress I was talking about in the last post! 

Here it is:

I just really love it. I also reall want a pair of black suede creepers, theyd would look cute with a pair of tights & the dress. 

I also forgot to say I got my ear pierce again! Well, I mean I got a second hole. I like it a lot & I'm happy with it. It really didn't hurt much, it was like a tiny pinch and that was it. It didn't hurt much after the fact either. I might do a post on piercings idk it seems cool. 

I really want my right eyebrow pierced, ahh I just love the way it looks. 

All I need to do is to find my safety pin earrings and I'll be good. They basically disappeared  at the end of January and now I'm here. I really miss wearing them I loved the way they looked. Ugh. I loose things way too much. 

*britney spears voice* It's been awhile...

[for anyone who got that britney reference in the title, you're awesome.] 

Hello again. 

Good news, I am over 40 days clean! It's so hard I want to cut so bad but I've been resisting. I think I'm like 43 days. 

But bad news... I still can't get the bingeing under control. It's terrible. I'm 10lbs over the weight I want to be... 

But, I read that doing an hour & 15 mins of just dance burns 500 calories!! I was too tired last night so I only did 30 mins. That was about 200 or a little over. But I think over the weekends I'm going to do that becaue i have more time to play the wii so yeah. 

I really want to loose those 10lbs becaue I have a dance-like thing coming up in June and I want to be able to fit into my dress. Me & my mom just ordered it, it's black with a white collar, sort of like what Wednesday Addams would normally wear. We bought it in 2 sizes, and the thought of fitting into the larger size scares the shit out of me. 

I have basically made a meal plan this week that I am determined to follow, if I want to look nice for this dance and not to mention the summer. 

I am gonna try to eat at MOST 400 cals (I'm striving for lower, but shit gets tough) on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. For Tuesday and Thursday, I am going to fast. On the weekends I'm going to try to do 100-250, and stay away from junk and shit food for that whole time. I'll probably weigh in like every Friday or so... But I'm worried about next weekend because I might go to her house and we'll probably end up eating a bunch of crap there.. Ugh. 

Maybe in may I should just start the Lunabelle, I know I said summer, but summer can wait. I have to start this now if I want somewhat of a result by June. 

I also bought Of Mice & Men's Restoring Force album on Saturday, and it's really good! I love OM&M, and this was the first time hearing Restoring Force in full. I love Austin Carlile, he's so adorable. I was watching one of the interviews he did (I can't remeber what it was for) but they were asking him & Alan this or that questions and they asked "Nick or disney?" And austin said Disney and Alan said nick and Austin was like "WHAAAAT WHY?!" And it was so cute. I'll link the interview below: 

http://youtu.be/ub6Pm9NW8Oo

last Friday-wendsday (today)

alright so hey it's been a while. But anywaaaay here are some updates!!

Soo *katy perry voice* last Friday night (lol) I got sick like with the stomach virus or flu or whatever was going around with my school. It. Was. Horrible. 

I got it late Friday, I threw up (these are all unintentional) at like 1 in the morning and I was just like shansinsnsnssn. I was a little bit happy though, becaue I are a few crappy things so I got rid of that. But then when I woke up, I threw up again and in that moment I vowed to myself I would never try to purge becaue my eyes went black and I felt so weak I almost fell and it just felt so gross i wouldn't want to do that every again. But I kept a low diet for the most part that weekend, mainly because I was freaked to eat for one. I mainly drank water, vitamin water (130 cals I think?) and Gatorade (like 80 I think) and then like Saturday I ate a hamburger bun becaue I was really hungry and I read that bread soaks up the acid. 

But then Sunday I had some bacon (approx 70ish) and some mac & cheese (idk how much that was I'm assuming 230?) and I felt fine.

Monday was... Weird. One of my friends was like "oh my god!! Your legs are like, non-exsistant!" and then my other friend was like, "yeah! She was trying to loose calories!!" (I was talking to her about how if you chew ice cubes it burns calories.) and I just felt so ughsisbdidj. I was like can you please stop talking about it my legs are pretty exsistant if you really look. I barely remember the rest.  idk Except for the fact that my mom bought golden Oreos jsjskdbdjcbb

Tuesday, we had testing so I allowed myself to eat a luna bar for breakfast, I figured it would help. Then for lunch I had a bagel & I planned on nothing else for that day but then I fucked up and bought a cake pop from Starbucks and had a bunch of other candy crap and then when I got home I binged on those Oreos and there were hardly any left and I just felt so gross. ugh. 

Today, Wendsday, no breakfast, i had like half a cup of miso soup for lunch so that's about 40 cals I think and then since my friends wanted to go to Starbucks I didn't want to be weird around them so I got a frappachino and it  was 300 I was just like wow that's a lot..?!  But yeah I guess 340 isn't bad for today . I also bought a reeces but I'm not gonna eat it (yet lol) I bought it to test my self control. 

I've also been a few weeks clean so that's a plus.