I think what I really need to get under control though is bingeing. I just eat too much sometimes and it's starting to show. I used to have a thigh gap, hip & collar bones, but now they're slowing disappearing and I hate it. I want to be able to wear tank tops and shorts and such in the summer (although Im pretty sure that scars dont go with shorts :/ )
It's time to get new blades though. I have these two that used to be really good but now they got so fucking dull it's really irritating. They barely even break skin anymore and it's so annoying.
You're probably thinking I'm crazy making myself want to bleed, but Im reading a book about this girl and she's freaked out by the sight of blood or the mention of death. It's a good book (it's called Hex Hall) but that one trait about her annoys the shit out of me. I just imagined her watching Supernatural and screaming every second. It made me laugh.
I broke the 4 days clean on the day that marked 4 (how ironic) but I think it's been like 3 days or something. I feel the urge to do it so much but after march 3rd I really want to try and stay clean forever. I just maybe want to get out all of it before Monday so I just have reminders not to cut.
On Friday I'm going to a Demi Lovato concert with my cousin and I'm really excited. I barely get to see my cousin and she's helped me through so much. This would be my first time seeing her since July 2013 or something.
I think anyone would agree that Demi is very strong and inspirational. Although I don't listen to get much now, I used to a lot when I was younger and getting to see her live (along with opening acts Little Mix, Fifth Harmony & Cher Lloyd who are also really cool) would be really cool. Ill be sure to blog about the experience.
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